Issue #179 - OCT. 16, 2004
Three frightful Weeks - Three spooky fights. Horror for Halloween 2004
Join us now in a battle we had to call...
This fight produced by: Justicar
THE SPORTS BOX
THOR: Welcome friends you see before
you the madness that is the Khazan Arena's Halloween Extravaganza. Gaze upon
such freaks of nature that inhabit your wor...
*Godproof SportsBox door opens*
THOR: Remove that hellish visage from
thou face Diana!
WONDY: I'm not wearing a mask Thor.
THOR: Mayhap a trick of the light, I
think I shall be having nightmares for a week
WONDY: Child. anyway, let's see what
the peanut gallery had to say about this week's contest.
What YOU thought about the match:
While the good doctor has the edge in intelligence, that will not save him. Leatherface is just to strong. Plus, if we are talking about the Leatherface in the remake(as seen in the picture) then Leatherface also has the speed and agility advantages too. Hannibal will be eating his own intestines in about 2 minutes.
Yummy, Yummy, for your Tummy.
*Goes off and barfs somewhere*
Hannibal would win. He's smarter, and just as sick and demented. Granted, I haven't seen either of these guys in action, but you just have to consider the whole "Mind Over Matter" concept.
Dark Queen Writes:
I agree with the commentators. Hannibal has been given a week to decide just what he wants to do. True, the guy enjoys eating a human brain, but he is also quite a brilliant psychopath. Seriously, if a clueless 19 year old blonde can defeat leatherface, Hannibal will do just fine.... and with a dash of parsley for flavour!
Iron Chef Endor Starcloud Writes:
Lechter's got this one in the bag. The Iron Chefs only have an hour in Kitchen Stadium and look at what they can come up with! Give a genius like Lechter a week and he could whip up something that would put Soylent Green on ther map!
Tyler Durden Writes:
I have to go with Hannibal in this battle of skewed culinary tastes. While it was not an easy one, my decision is based on one fact: Who will remain focused. Hannibal clearly has the advantage, since he is unquestionably one cool operator.
One could envision Leatherface getting sidetracked, perhaps with a young member of the audience, and not even completing the task at hand. I think there is also a significant probability that Leatherface may have one of those fatal, but not altogether uncommon, kitchen slip and fall injuries. Hannibal would just proceed, possibly humming a few bars of his favorite opera, like the culinary artist that he is and produce a masterpiece, the hands down winner.
Dr. Lecter will have a strong desire to put Leatherface in his place. Lecter views Leatherface as a sloppy, sub-par serial killer with poor planning and severely lacking mental power. He wants to make Leatherface look foolish, and we both know Hannibal has mastered this skill.
Here is just one example of how the good doctor could get "under Leatherface's skin", so to speak. Since the setup is not soundproof, Lecter will be up to what he does best, yes you guessed it, mind games. He would be saying things like: "Where is the head Leatherface?"......"They are coming to get the head Leatherface."......"You better hide the head Leatherface."...."Hide the head now Leatherface!!"
The smoke clears and in the end Dr. Lecter displays a fine, well garnished meal, cupcakes and all.
Open a bottle of Chianti and relax Dr. Lecter, you are the winner.
El Kabong Writes:
On first glance, it would look like this would be an easy win for Mr. Sawyer. I mean, here's this hulking fellow toting a massive power tool, coming after a scrawny British man with a nasal voice. It would also seem that Leatherface has Hannibal beat in sheer depravity as well: while Lecter is a man of taste and refinement, Leatherface is a psychopath who'll attack and mutilate anyone or anything that crosses his path. However, Hannibal has one thing that Leatherface doesn't, the thing that elevates him past all of the other killers in cinema and up to that lofty "greatest villain of all time" position: his ability to think things out and form a plan of action out in no time at all. He is a master of resources, as he could probably take a few pebbles off of the arena floor and find some way to kill Leatherface messily with them. If those tactics fail, he might be able to talk Leatherface into....say....killing himself, but since Leatherface is an unthinking dreadnaught matched only by the likes of Voorhees and Myers, the likelihood of Sawyer actually stopping to listen and be affected by Lecter's words.
So, I'd say that Hannibal wins. While others might say that he feasts on Leatherface's innards, I get the feeling that he'll pass on eating his price, simply because he finds Leatherface so unrefined and nasty.
El Kabong Writes:
(Addendum) Well, that'll teach me not to read the fight commentary before I make my comments. Strike everything I said before. Hannibal will always be a better cook than poor Sawyer. He's probably been professionally trained, knowing his intelligence and resources.
Lord X-spider Writes:
Dr. Lector is far superior to Leatherface. Sure mr. chainsaw can scare and kill a bunch of american teenagers but who can´t do that? Hannibal has face down with FBI agents, tricked a building full of policemen, fooled said agents for like a decade and made a man swallow his own tounge. When Leather face get´s to Hannibal it will take two minutes and then Mr.Leactor will be eating chooped leather.
Dustin Prewitt Writes:
This one's tricky.... classic example of Brute force vs. cunning intellect...
This is how I see the fight... the bell rings.... Hannible stands there calm and smug as Leatherface charges toward him, reving up the chainsaw... then, stops.... he can get it to start! He looks at the chainsaw, only to realize that the fuel lines have been cut! Leatherface looks up in rage at a grinning Hannible.... Leatherface lunges at Hannible, as hannible counters with a pair of scissors, slashing is throat precisely at the jugular... Leatherface starts to choke on his own blood as Hannible calmly goes to his kitchen table for a carving knife... not having any time for finese, the good doctor goes to work, with a few cuts across the stomache, and slicing off the hands, and so on... Hannible beats the odds and wins the day
Evil Eddie Writes:
C'mon, you gotta be kiddin' me right? An overweight retard in an apron and skin mask who isn't even smart enough to spell "Food" (remember Texas Chainsaw III?) vs. one of the greatest criminal genius masterminds of all time. If the fight went down without warning and neither had no time to prepare I could MAYBE see Leatherface winning this. But Lector, having a whole week to prepare, has this fight won easily. He will outsmart Leatherface with ease and turn the tables on him in no time. There are so many different ways Hannibal could win, it's not funny. Hannibal wouldn't even need a week to prepare. Leatherface is so stupid, he would fall for the oldest trick in the book. All Hannibal would have to do is hold a knife or some sort of weapon behind his back and point and say to Leatherface "Oh, look Leatherface behind you. What is that?" When Leatherface turns around to see what it is, Hannibal will simply cut his throat or knock him unconscious. When Leatherface wakes up, he's chained or handcuffed to one of the bars of the arena with the top of his head and his entire chest cavity and inner organs missing. The last thing Leatherface sees is Hannibal munching on his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti. Bon appetite!!!
Bad Samaritan Writes:
Lechter, by a bottle of Chianti.
Leatherface is a master with the chainsaw, not to mention is very stubborn when he decided he wants to kill someone. But he has nothing in the way of brains.
Lechter, on the other hand, not only can outsmart leatherface without even trying, the man is just plain mad. I mean, c'mon, he fed a child human brains. Now thats twisted. He will probably just convince leatherface that he REALLY REALLY wants to eat his own chainsaw.
In this game of chess, leatherface will be playing checkers.
Between the two, Hannibal Lecter is definatley the better character plus his movies are hell of alot better, and scarier, than any TCM movie.
But this is a fight of hand to hand ability and Leatherface definaltey has the edge there. Lecter is terrifying with his words but is no fighter.
Leatherface has the weapon, the muscles, and the speed to beat out Lecter. If this was a fight of words or brains Lecter wins hands down. But this is a question of musicles over brains and Leatherface has the strength.
[email protected] Writes:
What is wrong with you guys!! Leather Head over there is dead meat compared to Lector! I mean come on do you realy think that leather face could be a super intelligent master mind?!?! I'll give up cheese burgers if Leather Head could beat Lector... I mean come to your scences! Lector would turn Leather Head into a baseball glove be for losing to that scumbag!!!!!!!!!!!
The special ingredient in today's battle is: Human Flesh!
In the week of preparation time, Leatherface will hone his skills by waylaying stoners and hotties to his little cabin and giving that chainsaw a nice red sheen. Lecter will do some research on this man Leatherface and figure out all of his psychological quandaries, as well as reading his favourite cookbooks for ideas.
The match will progress thusly: Leatherface, unable to bring in his preferred weapon, will be forced to use one of the provided ones. Not comfortable with the weight, he swings it around for about 10 minutes, getting used to the sound of the gas generator and the feeling of the blade. Throughout this, Hannibal's been broiling onions to the point of perfect caramlization, all the time asking questions like "Why do you have that fixation on that chainsaw, Leatherface? Why do you like wearing human flesh? Do you not like your face?"
Once Leatherface has finally gotten used to his new weapon, he charges Lecter with blood in his eyes (his new mask is still fresh...). Of course, because of that, he hits Lecter's kitchen counter and stumbles around, swining wildly until he finally hits the steel of the cage. His chainsaw, mass produced, locks on the cage and jams. Heartbroken, Leatherface stumbles back to his kicthen to grab a new weapon.
"How do you feel about losing your chainsaw? That mask is still bleeding. Do you like that? Let's talk about your mother..."
After about 10 more minutes of this, Leatherface will finally break down and spill his guts on how mommy never loved him and said she always wanted a girl, and how the kids at school picked on him because of his acne. The sobbing predator is too much for Lecter, and he swiftly puts ol' Face out of his misery with a cocktail fork through the eye.
"I found the two layers of skin to be an interesting twist, I really enjoyed it." Says judge F. W. Colqhoun during the tasting...
Zug Zug Writes:
Steel Cage... Leather Face has the strength, endurance advantage plus a chainsaw... Hmmm.
On the open sands of the Arena Fighters Pit Lechter stands little chance against the brutal manic Leatherface.
It's like the Juggarnaut against Batman. Sure Batman is clever, but that only takes you so far when you're trapped in a steel cage and you cannot hide.
I figure Leatherface takes a couple stab wounds then serves himself up some ribs.
First off, it is plainly obvious that lecter has a huge intelligence advantage. Unfortunately, in a strait fight this is of little help. Leatherface is a pure fighting brute of an animal. Maybe if they were playing on a quiz show lecter would have a chance, but in gladiatorual combat, he's got no chance against the ragin texan.
I wanted to vote for Lechter. Brains usually beats brawn....except when there's nothing whatsoever for Brains to work with.
And that's the situation in this fight. Nowhere to hide, and no way to play mindgames with somebody who's nearly mindless. Both parties stuck in the open(kitchen gear not withstanding). Two enter. one leaves.
It looks like Lechter's gonna take it on popularity, but in a no-frills, no-BS, nothing-special-to-work-with scenario like this, Lechter's greatest weapon is rendered useless.
Only way he can win this is(in this specific scenario) pure dumb luck, like Leatherface tripping onto his own chainsaw.
Edward Norton Writes:
I go with Leatherface.
Sure, Dr. Lecter would be more focused, but that's assuming he wants to win, or even participate, in the first place. As soon as he realizes Callisto has an agenda, he'll "toy with her and then turn to stone." He's not going to perform in front of all those people, that's not his goal. I'm not sure what his goal is, but that's certainly not it. Leatherface, on the other hand, is just dying for attention. He'll give his best performance ever!
you suggest Lecter will want to make Leatherface look foolish. No way. Lecter has the utmost respect for other serial killers, even ones as sloppy as Buffalo Bill. You also suggest that Lecter will be able to mentally bully Leatherface around as if he were Miggs. Let's be clear. Leatherface, while no Ted Bundy, has shown that he is much smarter than Miggs. I don't see Leatherface swallowing his own tongue over something Lecter mumbles to him.
And besides,Lecter is not a showman.Lecter enjoys mind games. He enjoys them so much, in fact, that he would rather do that than perform like a monkey in front of a bunch of CBUB cameras.
Leatherface will be so excited with the victory that HE will be the one having an old friend for dinner.
This is the second issue I've written in for and personally, I knew who I was going to choose like that *snap*. Two words: Hannibal Lechter, yeah, I read leatherface's profile, he's got nuthin' on ol' Anthony Hopkins there, let's face it, or, rather yet, let's go to the scorecard. Let's see here, intelligence: Hannibal, demementedness: Hannibal (Hannibal's been doing the mask of human flesh long before leather face and other insanely twisted things to his fellow homosapiens) strength:leatherface (doesn't matter, you don't strength to chew with your teeth.) So, in conclusion, Hannibal's licking his chops over the huddled and bloody form of Leatherface *yum, yum*!
Flawless P Writes:
Lechter has this one down, a week was too long to give him. Now, it's just a matter of how he likes his meat cuz he took all that time figuring out 400 ways to kill and eat a chainsaw weilding phycho.
Picking a winner was hard, but I have to agree with Wondy. Your talking a tactical genius vs. a very strong but very dumb idiot. Were this a no prep match, Leatherface would take this with ease. But since Hannibal had a week to plan, crazyman will be pwned.
the voice of reason Writes:
Lector was able to defeat the U.S. police force. Leatherface wasn't even able to defeat a bunch of punk kids. Listen to the voice of reason kids. Smart psychos always beat brute psychos, why do you think they are always the ones in charge.
Lindsy Lohan Writes:
I think Leatherface will win. Even though Hannibal may be smarter, most people have learned that in the horrer world you rely purely on dumb luck. Another reason is that I just don't like Wonder Woman. Her boobs are all that have kept her series in publish.
Lecter (with no 'H'; it was Lektor in Red Dragon, and Lecter in the other two books) is a genius, a master of human manipulation, extremely quick and strong, a gourmet cook and an expert on Renaissance art. Oh, and he used to be a licensed medical doctor.
Leatherface is educationally sub-normal, basically terrifying, slow-moving but powerful, has someone else to do the cooking for him, and a not-very-skilled-at-all seamster (masculine form of seamstress).
Lecter uses his brain, he uses words, he uses his reputation and, as a last resort, he uses his teeth. He also carries knives, and has been known to use a crossbow.
Leatherface has a chainsaw.
Lecter goes after the rich and perverse, and the occasional FBI agent.
Leatherface goes after brain-dead teenagers.
Lecter's opposition includes vengeful millionaires, Corsican bandits, and gun-toting FBI agents.
Leatherface's opposition includes brain-dead teenagers and occasional family interventions.
Lecter has got laid. Leatherface has got issues.
I rather think brains beat brawn in this case.
Leather Face has a leather FACE!!!How do you say no to the leather face???
Psychopathicus Rex Writes:
*Ahem* (puts on annoying nerd voice) Well, first off, uh, you've got a little, uh, spelling error, uh, there. Mr., uh, Lecter's name is spelled L-E-C-T-E-R, there's, uh, no H. See, I was right and you were wrong! Nyee hee hee hee hee! No, no...please, not the swirlies....(We now resume normal transmission)
In all seriousness, c'mon, people. Lecter has this in the bag. In the can. Wrapped neatly up with a little bow. Steaming gently on a plate with fava beans off to the side. He just can't LOSE, y'see.
Why is this? I'll tell you. Question: What is Leatherface? Answer: Leatherface is a big, hulking cannibal armed with a chainsaw and with an insatiable hunger for human beef jerky.
Well, yeah, OK, that's pretty formidable under normal circumstances, but these ain't normal, as the next Q&A will prove. Question: What is Hannibal Lecter?
Answer: Lecter is a freakin' MONSTER.
You say you want a slightly more in-depth summary? OK. First off: Leatherface is a member of a family of crazy inbred cannibal hillbillies. He never shows up entirely by himself, even in the movie named after him. He's basically just a big, nasty version of Jethro Clampett (and I hope to Thoth I'm getting that reference right, 'cause I've never even seen a picture of Jethro Clampett). Lecter, on the other hand, is used to working alone. He likes working alone - he's a regular renaissance man. Therefore, he will have the self-confidence to make the right moves at the right time, whereas Leatherface will just blunder around helplessly while his inner child wails for familial assistance.
Second: Leatherface has never really needed to use his mind - he's got his chainsaw, and that's enough for him. (I'm getting a weird Cookie Monster flashback - 'C is for Chainsaw and that's good enough for me.' Am I alone in this?) Consequently, the big brute's mind has devolved into something like leftover pizza left out too long in the blazing sun - there's a little action when the flies land on it, but otherwise, not much. In short, he's stupid. Lecter is *ahem* not. Lecter is a genius. He has a mind like a razor. He will be able to manipulate what small amount of reason Leatherface still has until the big lug is so confused that he just can't think...oh, whoops, didn't see that cleaver coming...chow time, I do believe.
Third, the physical aspect. Leatherface would seem to have this down cold. I disagree. True, he's a big, huge hunk-of-a-lunk, most probably in his early forties absolute tops, whereas Lecter is a middle-aged doctor who has spent much of the last several years trapped inside a space about ten foot square, meaning that he's probably worked up his share of love handles unless he paces a lot. I mean, a LOT. But this is made up for by his ability to manipulate his environment to his best advantage. Look at the escape scene in 'Lambs' - the man thinks pretty damn lickety-split on his feet, you ask me. A huge advantage over Leatherface, who is fast, but about as subtle as a falling anvil.
Fourth...ah, screw it. Leatherface, for all his charms, is just another slasher-movie villain, whereas Lecter is one of the greatest villains of ALL TIME. The man is the devil at the end of the tunnel, the snake hissing venemous words into our ears, the razorblade in the apple, the worm that catches the early bird. He is the cold hard light of sinister intelligence that shows us all our faults, and you CANNOT beat him. You can trap him for a while, but beat? Never in a million years. I mean, I went on a lot about Michael Myers being evil in that last match, but Lecter is that times ten because he is far more realistic and seeks to torture our minds and twist our souls for his own amusement, not just kill. Sure, he may have a bit of trouble against the hulking psycho with the chainsaw, but in the end, there's only one meal that'll be eaten tonight, and it'll be with fava beans. And chianti on the side.
You gave Lechter preptime? That's like giving Batman preptime: the other side stands almost no chance. The guy's not just evil, he's an evil genius! Leatherface is the one getting massacred this time...
Scooter Pie Writes:
The quintessential matchup of brawn versus brains...
Leatherface is big, tough, and carries a very large chainsaw. He kills... You guessed it. Teenagers.
Hannibal is small, cultured, polite and unlikely to really carry a weapon except for his extra finger. He kills the rude.
Looks like it's lights out for Hannibal, right?
Wrong-o. Hannibal is a psychologist, a master manipulator. And Leatherface is obviously a nutjob with an identity crisis. Which is why he wears masks. Now, if Hannibal is able to get Multiple Miggs to swallow his own tongue just by whispering to him, and is able to turn Clarice Starling, the West Virginia goody-two-shoes into his lover and partner in crime, then mind-screwing someone like Leatherface isn't going to be too much of a problem for him.
There's a reason they kept Hannibal behind a few inches of bullet-proof glass, served him dinner through a sliding tray and didn't want him to get his hands on paperclips and staples... The man is pure, concentrated evil.
Hannibal wins hands-down. Leatherface is served with fava beans and a nice chianti.
Lord Morgue Writes:
Hannibal had time to prepare. Biiiig mistake, as he is the Grant Morrison Batman of the cannibal set. Before the match he spikes Mr. Face's prime beef chilli with horse laxative, changing his name to Leatherass.
Hannibal Lector has the smarts to beat Leatherface. All Leatherface has is his chainsaw and given that would be enough to take some lost kids but Dr. Lector knows what he is doing...here we go cannibal vs. cannibal. The announcers better watch out. The two continders may want a snack before the match...
Nick The Critick Writes:
wow...you guys know your freakshows... let's check out the similiarities...both kill cuz...well cuz they can...both have NO problem with wearing a human face over their own, despite the fashion faux-pas, and most of all, they eat people...ya know the other other other white meat...first we have doctor lechter...such a flawless killing machine with grace,super-intelligence, and downright arrogance...a man SO badass, that he stood in a prison, simply cuz he wanted to settle down for a bit..that means he quit from being in prison...he said "ya know what...i'm bored" and proceeded to kill two officers better then even Tupac could...he was so smart that even in the face of death between man-eating pigs,he proceeded to dissect any form of integrity his would-be killer still had..that being said, what's up with the whole phone sex voice that he has..for such a smart calm guy, you think he'd be as suave of a maniac as the joker(HINT HINT)...hopefully he can talk more out-of-this-world instead of like a cannibalistic version of Ron Jeremy..next we have the INCREDIBLY easy Leatherface..just for those out there in horrorland who HAVEN'T watched the series, let me give you a clue...leatherface, at first, was a genius franchise..eventually he suffered the loss that all slashers do, bad sequels...but see...his sequels weren't bad..they were downright depressing..it came to the point where this "chainsaw-holding icon"(reminds you of Ash a little...hey...another HINT HINT)became a crossdressing transvestite...thats right folks...in his last ever sequel before they recreated TCM, he was a crossdresser...SO SCARY WAS HE IN HIS ADORABLE DRESS..OH NO HE LOST THE CHAINSAW AND TRADED IT IN FOR A SEWING MACHINE..the horror...THE HORROR..basically, it comes down to this..a genius who stumped the government or some hick who realized that "the knife with a motor is dangerous"...and i must say...no one cooks brains like Hannibal can
Grandpa one shot Writes:
My boy leatherface isn't gonna lose to no newengland educated tie wearing pansie..
Remember kiddies.."the SAW is family"..
and chilli will be serve at 5
Fluffy The Destroyer of Worlds! Writes:
I am Fluffy the destroyer of worlds! Now while you sit and grovel at my presence I will tell you exaclty how it's goin' down, first I want two tacos for 99 cents and then Lechter will take the kitchen and turn it into his own personel resturaunt, because as you know there is enough of Leatherface to feed a family of four.
The infamous,business-savvy,living legen Writes:
Now this is almost evenly matched. But I gotta put my money on Hanibal. He's waaay smarter. He wreaks psychological havok. He would probably make Lethy so more insane he would kill himself. And prepare a tasty meal for Hanibal. It would be battle to rock the ages. Everybody in the multiverse would remember this. And my sugestion for Halloween fight#3 is Norman Batesvs. Hanibal v.s. Michael Myers vs.Jason V.S.Jack the Ripper v.s. the dude from The Shining v.s. dude from the Hills Have Eyes. Now that would be the ultimat horror battle
caroline setar Writes:
I think LEATHER FACE is going to win the battle because I love the movie called "THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE"! I think that the "texas chainsaw massacre dude"because he's going to chop the other guy in half with his chainsaw!!! SKINY LAMBCHOPS ANYONE?!?
Lets see here...
OK leatherface definately has the advantage in strength but Lechter has the smarts. He outsmarted the entire American justice system and is not bound by choice of weapons, leatherface only seems to like his patent chainsaw but lechter will use more or less anything to hand (even his own teeth).
Lechter is going to eat Letherfaces liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti *sluuurp*
We're this a long and drawn out process and not the two just squaring off, Lecter gets the nod because of possibly the highest intellect of any villain. But that's not the case. This is a one on one showdown. Lecter would be darting in and out like a rabbit, but Leatherface is almost superhuman, with major resistance to injury and incredible strength. Brains vs Brawn wins out more often than not, but its just not the case here. Leatherface via TKO
Shadow the slayer Writes:
the Philisofical side
It is not a battle of who eats who, but of who can cook up the beter meal out of them selves.
the psycotic side
the stupid side
oooo an chain saAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH*splat*
Lecter has the brains, but it seems that leatherface has the muscle neccessary to wield the arguablly most intimidating slasher weapon, the chainsaw. However I saw the original TCM and it's remake and think that leatherface is going to need some serious speed or else he won't win.
Hanny has to talk to play mind games... Leatherface doesn't wait for people to talk...Hanny takes time to do his bloody killing right..Leatherface is fast and sloppy...Hanny will have style... he will be really really really dead...but still he will have style.
Talon Banewulf Writes:
What!?! How the heck could Hannibal "the Cannibal" defeat Leatherface. Leatherface has a frickin' chainsaw, for the love of all things sacred! And don't pull any of that "Lechter will outsmart him" bullcrap: the only reason Hannibal gets away with what he does in his movies is that he is dealing with civilized human beings, therefore he is treated as a human no matter what, and anyone dealing with him does so in a humanitarian way...does Leatherface strike you as someone "civilized"? Didn't think so. He won't be trying to enter the mind of a serial killer with Hannibal, he'll be trying to make a new mask for himself, and he'll succeed, right after the death of four teenagers.
Wow a battle of true killers. here is the thing leatherface doesn't seem to be all that intelligent, but he can wield that chainsaw like none other. BUT... I will have to go with lechtor he is ingenious and will be able to sense everything leather face plans to do.
Lets try and get this nice and sparkling clear. On one hand :
LeatherFace. The one man, emotionally/mentally challenged killing machine with a chainsaw.
Then we have Dr. Hannible Lechter. The "Sophisticated" cannibal.
While LeatherFace is trying to understand what exactly was going on Lechter would make the first move. LeatherFace would then feel threatened, causing him to lash out, like a child or animal.
(Example: Grabbing a young female and placing her on a meathook (Done twice original film and in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation))
All of Dr Lechter's cunning, twisted, manniacle thinking won't be able to do anything against a man who can indure alot of pain and is scared. (More scared of what his "brother" will do to him more likely)
I saw Lechter attacks and is cut in half via chainsaw after the first 6.47 seconds.
THE BABYSITTER SLASHER Writes:
first off,i'm a big fan of "The
Texas Chainsaw Massacre".I even like the sequels,I even like part 4,I even like the remake(saw it twice in the theatre,each time with a different girl)
hell I've got two Texas Chainsaw Massacre t-shirts,but i gotta say
hands down Hannibal would take the taco.
If you threw in the whole damn
family,Lecter would still come out on top.
Hes just that damn good.He probably knows like fifty ways to paralyze a man by just using his fingers.He probably wouldn't even have to touch him.He'd just sat down and talk to Leatherface and convince him to cut his own dick off with the chainsaw.
Don't get me wrong Leatherface is one bad motor scooter,but I'd put my money on the good doctor.
The Voice of Reason Writes:
For thos o you who argue that "Leatherface has a chainsaw," Both sides of the arena have chainsaws, and I'm sure Lector can come up with mor ways to kill you with a chainsaw than leatherface.
Clarice Starling Writes:
First of all, I just want to say I know Dr. Lecter, I have talked with Dr. Lecter, I have worked with Dr. Lecter, I have matched wits with Dr. Lecter, I have gotten a taste of what goes on in that cunning, demented,and twisted mind of his. It still scares me to this day to think about it. Just let me say to Leatherface, you sir are no Hannibal Lecter. You poor soul, you have no idea what you're in for. He will not only devour your physical body for the main course, but he will devour your mind and soul for appetizers. Be prepared to meet evil incarnate face to leathery face.
Izryal Kid Writes:
I give this fight to Lector for one reason. Lector can stay calm and calculating. The main thing Leatherface has is a freak-out factor. If I'm a Texas teen, I'll shreik, run, trip, and die against old Leatherface. But, if I'm Lector I'll remain calmand trick Leatherface into castrating himself and grilling his nuts for me. To Lector, Leatherface is not a scary killer. He's just an idiot.
steve bird Writes:
In this one, you're basically pitting a homicidal genious against a human beast. Question: can Hannibal Leckters intellect overcome the capabillities of Leatherhead.... which are, of course, sniffing out his victims while in the dark ( just like all horror villians ) and operating a chainsaw and every other weapon he can get his hands on. I'm thinking yes. Hannibals mind is so advanced, that cops go to him when they can't figure out cases on their own. This'll be like Dr. Doom and Man-bat (except Leatherface doesn't revert back to anything to my knowledge.)Hannibal will actually be able to control Leatherface like a dog and they'll go on a rampage; or he'll just eat him himself not wishing to share any scraps with anybody else. hannibal feasts tonight.
The Amazing Z Girl Writes:
Hey all you numbnuts that voted for Lector..
The saw is family...
The chainsaw is Leatherface's speciality..whereas I doubt the good doctor has ever even started one...moreorless ever handled one.
Plop both down in a cage..and Leatherface is gonna rip you a new one.
Lord of Bacon Writes:
C'mon, we all know that Lechter's dangerous and unstoppable as it is, How much crazier is he going to get when you goad a big meaty prize like Leatherface out in front of him? This is like Taking a steak, dipping it in Buff Sauce, and holding it in front of a starving mountain Lion. I mean Leatherface is scary and all that, but he's a freaking idiot. I mean how in the hell could he not fall into a devious trap that we all Know Hannibal is capable of.
La Morte Petite' (The Little Death) Writes:
Leatherface is soooooooo screwed! Leatherface to Hannibal is just another $#@*ed up head-case. He's dealt with countless others like him or worse in his long and tasty medical professional past. By the time Hannibal is finished with Leatherface, Leatherface will be crying like a little baby. The diabolical doctor will convince him he's his best friend and that he should go and kill the rest of his own family because it's serves them right for treating him so mean over the years. Once Hannibal gets inside Leatherface's head, the sky's the limit. After it's all done and over with, Leatherface will just be one more added ingredient to that Texas style homemade chili of his. I can see Lecter now..."Not bad!" while wiping the corner of his mouth with a neatly folded napkin. "Not bad at all!"
Tommy Gun Writes:
Let's break it down.
Pros: Obviously, he's quite a bit stronger than his opponent. He could shove his bare fingers through the good doctor's skull and then nibble on his cerebral cortex. Also, he's a relentless savage. His power rides on the superhuman. His endurance is the stuff legends are made of. He survived impossible amounts of bleeding and pain that would have driven anyone but the most deeply psychotic, bloodthirsty bastard into giving up. But he kept going, determined to get a piping-hot meal of human organs. Let's face it. He's as sick as they come. Lecter's attempts to outwit this behemoth monster will fall flat. There is nothing within him to intimidate. Mind games mean nothing to the mindless. Lecter's deranged. Leatherface, however, is the devil on earth.
Cons: Being a savage has its weak points. Charging into battle with no tactic and no care for the consequences might work on (some) teenagers, but it will result in the loss of more than just one limb if he tries it here. I mean, he was bested by a stupid, screaming, crying teenage girl. Think what he'll be dealing with when it comes to a professional with a pick of the litter from all those gleaming, sharp objects. Also, as Wondy noted, he's probably spent most of this week doing something useless, such as picking at his infected, festering belly button.
Pros: Lecter has one of the most diabolical minds that ever existed. The chances are good that he spent the first three days discovering the most effective strategies to slaughter his foe, and the last four on how best to prepare him. And he has various handy implements to get the job done. Leatherface's sickening squeals and screams will not intimidate his foe- they will simply amuse him. With some quick, well-done knife handling and blade maneuvering, the good doctor will let out a crimson river from his foe's massive gut. Game over.
Cons: Lecter is not likely to go for this- but his mind games get tiresome even for people who have minds. Without questions to dodge and cleverly counterattack, he loses a considerable chunk of his power. I mean, that's what he's famous for. He's also a puny weakling compared to his massive, powerful enemy. He could be torn limb from limb easily. And though his agility may be considerable for a human being, Leatherface is not a human being. He is an unstoppable slaughterhouse. He is evil on two legs. Lecter has encountered corrupted and deranged foes. But he is facing an enemy from the bowels of hell.
So, the way I see it, there are two ways the fight could go: Leatherface charges in screaming and lifts his chainsaw, noisily spraying Lecter's blood in a sickening red bath upon his body- or Leatherface charges in screaming and lifts his roaring chainsaw, only to feel a knife thrust between his ribs, and then again and again, while the doctor's other hand swoops and glides a cleaver gracefully along Leatherface's arm and torso before finally hacking into his neck. After three hacks, Leatherface is on the ground with a sprinkler system spraying blood from the stump, and Leatherbody collapses into a hideous carved mess. Really, my money's on Hannibal.
Hannibal is THE definitive villian. He's ruthless. Cunning. Suave. and has an intelligence to rival the most educated of men. He'd play with Leatherface a bit, tease him, taunt him, and then play mind games with him. He'd quip with the Leatherface family, comment on their barbarous ways. I mean, eating flesh without seasoning? good grief man! Once Hannibal gets tired, or hungry, or both, he'll take out ol' chainsaw harry with style and finese worthy of a true artist.
THOR: Your commentary is inspired as
always. Thank you for your thoughts. Now let's turn our attention to the
scene at hand. Diana, tell us of Hannibal.
WONDY: Lecter is looking over his
kitchen setup. He seems to be taking in every bit of detail. He's being
patient and waiting for the guest moderator to arrive.
THOR: Leatherface is not waiting
patiently at all. He's trying to cut through the cage to get at the fans
near him that are foolishly taunting him.
WONDY: The arena crowd is becoming more
and more raucous as we wait. The volume level is increasing. One half of the
crowd is clad in Leatherface masks while the other half clad in head
THOR: Leatherface and Hannibal too are
becoming impatient. They are ready to start this themselves. This place will
soon be like Asgard on a drunken Saturday night.
WONDY: Wait something is happening down
there. The ground is shaking; pans and kettles are rattling around. Could
Mt. Steinbrenner be exploding in some far off and distant land?
THOR: Nay, something is bursting forth
from the ground! The crowd has become silent. A look of concern has crossed
the faces of Hannibal and Leatherface. They back away slowly.
DIMENTED FEMALE LAUGHING: O! hohoho
*Small shredded pieces of Omnimedia stock swirl about in a
WONDY: It's.It's. Iron Chef Martha
THOR: I thought she was locked up in a
WONDY: Apparently not. It appears that
the hard time she's served in captivity has warped her mental faculties.
THOR: The crowd is stunned. Martha is
addressing the combatants.
MARTHA: Today's cuisine topic is food
of the world. Bubba your ingredients are Tina Yothers, Alan Thick and Abe
Vigoda. Hannibal your ingredients are Mindy Cohn, Jared Vogle and Barry
THOR: Cages holding the ingredients
have crashed down into the kitchen of each chef.
MARTHA: Contestants. Battle! O!
hohohohoho. *Martha flies about the arena laughing then disappears.*
THOR: Leatherface jumps into his cage
with reckless abandon. How he's keeping track of his stock is a mystery.
WONDY: I think I'm going to be sick.
*Splat* Ugh, was that Tina Yothers' pancreas that just splattered
against the glass?
THOR: Oh c'mon Diana be not squeamish
at the sight of some oozing entrails. How's Hannibal progressing?
WONDY: Well he's being more
professional and neat about his work. He's removed Mindy Cohn from the cage
dispatched her and is delicately carving his desired pieces.
THOR: Hannibal may be pursing this a
mite too slowly. Time is of the essence here. Leatherface's speedy beginning
has given him more time for cooking.
WONDY: I beg to differ, Hannibal may be
working more deliberately here but he has a plan, which will surely come
THOR: *Groans* Well he better have a
plan because Leatherface is really applying himself here. I think that all
those comments about him being a dribbling moron have really gotten to him.
WONDY: Gross! What the hell is he doing
over there?! Is he building something?
THOR: Aye, something grotesquely
wonderful and its more than Hannibal's doing over there. Sipping broth,
checking temperature, matching blood to wine, I'm going to fall asleep if my
eyes gaze on him a minute longer.
WONDY: As perverse as it may sound at
least Hannibal is cooking.
THOR: As is tradition here at CBUB we
have someone prepared to give you the on scene perspective, however we're
having some difficulties at the moment.
WONDY: Drusilla, why are you just
standing in the middle of the arena? Go talk to Leatherface.
DRUSILLA: No way! That SOB has a
chainsaw and he's building some weird thing made of meat!
THOR: Well, thou can speak with that
nice Mr. Lecter.
DRUSILLA: Uh uh, no. He looks at me
funny and keeps calling me Clarice.
THOR: If I were your situation I would
ask, 'what Jared would do?', by Odin's Crusty Eye, you can!
DRUSILLA: Urr. Fine! *Runs, trips
over some Barry Bostwick and scampers over to Jared in the cage.*
JARED: Another seeks the wisdom of
DRUSILLA: What would you do in my
situation Wise One?
JARED: I'd offer to switch positions
with the guy locked in the cage.
DRUSIILA: Not a chance!
LECTER: Clarice, I'm glad that you've
returned, but I've got one last bit of preparation to do. *Grabs
THOR: She's related to you?
WONDY: Wow look at the time, its almost
up as our resident chefs seem to be finishing what they're working on.
THOR: Time is up as Iron Chef Martha
Stewart Matsumoto reappears in the arena. The time of Judgement is indeed
near. The fans are hushed.
WONDY: Martha is approaching
Leatherface's kitchen. Leatherface is proudly displaying his 'Meat of Wurld'
display. [It's a giant ball of barbecued flesh in the shape of the globe.
Upturned skulls are turned into bowls for 'dippun sauce'. Various bones
serve as utensils.] He's displaying how you can break off a rib to skewer a
cut of meat.
THOR: 'Tis truly a bold display of
gastro-cannibalistic bravado. He's taking a stand on artistic presentation.
This could go either way. Martha's nibbling on some Vigoda as she walks over
WONDY: Lecter's arrangement is much
formal than the latter. You can see the approving twinkle in her eyes as she
notices all tableware and linens purchased from her own Kmart line. [A
large, silver serving tray is the centerpiece. Drusilla is bound and gagged
sitting in a chair opposite Hannibal and Martha.]
THOR: Lecter is bringing forth the
appetizer. Cream of Heart served over a soufflé baked from ground bones.
Martha is hungrily sampling the dish.
WONDY: The next dish is a nice curry a
la entrails with freshly harvested turmeric. Martha is consuming the dish in
a ravenous frenzy.
THOR: Main course, Tempura no Jared,
skin and fat boiled down to oil, served over an open flame. Martha
skillfully wields her chopsticks and chews the meat in orgasmic delight.
WONDY: I believe that we have a winner
THE FINAL VOTE
THE WRAP UP
THOR: Martha is storming over to
Leatherface's display and is kicking it over. She screaming and ranting
about mismatched bones and uneven cooking.
MARTHA: If I wanted BBQ I'd just go to
a rib joint!
THOR: Leatherface is crushed, I think
WONDY: Martha is now offering Hannibal
a few minor critiques. But clearly she is utterly delighted as she bestows
the title of Iron Chef upon Hannibal.
THOR: That's all for now my friends,
now please excuse me because I'm feeling mighty hungry.
WONDY: Get out of my way Thor before I
puke on the carpet.
Other CBUB Fights:
Jason Vorhees Vs. Ash Williams
Exorcist vs. Carrie
Scooby Doo Gang vs. Hellraiser
The Borg vs. Aliens
[The Comic Book Universe Battles]
"Callisto" is the property of Renaissance Pictures, MCA TV.
"Harley Quinn" is the property of DC comics.
Leatherface is the property (c) of ... ?
Hannibal (TM) is the property (c) of ... ? (we're not sure.)
This webpage makes no claims and attempts no infringement... this is just for fun.