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ISSUE #150

Matrix vs. Crouching Tiger

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Spiderman vs. Wolverine

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Kraven vs. Pokemon Island

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The Predator vs. The Road Runner


Mario vs. Sonic


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Robotech Defense Force vs. The Decepticons


Batman vs. Captain America

ISSUE #115

Robin v. Robin v. Robin v. Robin


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ISSUE #106

Nightwing vs. Daredevil


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Voltron vs. Power Ranger's Zord

ISSUE #132

The Punisher vs. France


Iron Man vs. Steel

ISSUE #153

Mum-Ra vs. Skeletor

ISSUE #109

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ISSUE #168

Shazam vs. Black Bolt

ISSUE #170

Jason Voorhees vs. Ash Williams

ISSUE #176

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Bond Girl Blowout

ISSUE #161

G.I. Joe vs. S.H.I.E.L.D


Smurfs vs. Snorks


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Boba Fett vs. Batman

ISSUE #177

Master Yoda vs. Professor Xavier

ISSUE #127

Martial Mayhem - Round One!

ISSUE #141

Braveheart vs. Maximus

ISSUE #128

Martial Mayhem - Round Two!

ISSUE #169

Galactus vs. Galactus' Weight in Krypto the Super Dogs


The Joker vs. The Green Goblin

ISSUE #152

Yogi & Boo-Boo vs. Chip 'n' Dale

ISSUE #131

Kingpin vs. Penguin vs. Jabba the Hutt


Defiant vs. White Star

ISSUE #160

Wonder Woman vs. Thor


Thundarr vs. Conan vs. Beastmaster


Men in Black vs. Marvin the Martian


Leisure Suit Larry vs. Austin Powers


Gambit vs. Catwoman vs. Black Cat


[  ]



[  ]

Indiana Jones
(and Short Round)
vs. Mordor


The Set-UP

Indiana Jones: Adventurer and archaeologist who has overcome all odds to bring back mighty Artefacts of overwhelming power including the Holy Grail. Through countless close calls and pulse-pounding predicaments, Indiana has faced mechanical traps, armies of enemies and even The Wrath Of God(TM) to bring home Fortune and Glory(TM).

Mordor: blasted and desolate, Mordor is the lifeless volcanic homeland of orcs and ring-wraiths. Overseen by the Great Eye Sauron, the landscape of this evil and blasted wasteland is dominated by the Tower of The Eye and Mount Doom - birthplace of the One Ring of Power.

We've challenged Indiana Jones and his plucky partner Short Round to fulfill the Quest of the Ring: to travel through Mordor and drop the Ring of Power(TM) into the fires of Mt. Doom(TM). These two will pick up the quest of Frodo and Sam right at the gates of Mordor with Gollumn for a guide and cache of elven bread.

So as not to impress an unfair mental burden on Dr. Jones, we have given Indiana and Short-Round slightly better-than-Hobbit resistance to Ring Temptation(TM) so they can concenterate on the journey through Mordor.

Join us now in a battle we had to call...

Misty Mountain Hop

This fight suggested by: Llaiwyn


Callisto:    Hello and Welcome to another exciting edition of CBUB! I am your fight goddess Callisto.

Harley Quinn:    And I am your hostess with the jokestess Harley Quinn!

Callisto:    We are LIVE outside the gates of Mordor where Indiana and Short Round have just mugged Frodo and Sam and taken the Ring of Power.

Harley Quinn:    We'll be watching their progress into Mordor as we follow along invisibly with our God-Proof(TM) Inviso-Belts (may cause nausea, flatulence and sudden disappearances, keep out of reach of children). This way we can stay right on top of the action today without causing any interference.

Callisto:    As we see, now, Gollum is leading his new Ring-Bearers up those long steps which will take them to Shelob's lair.

Harley Quinn:    We'll come back to the action, but now let's stop and hear what you have to say on the battle.



What YOU thought about the match:

Dom Writes:

Yeah right. Like I'd really vote against Indiana Jones in any scenario where he has a *remote* chance of winning. Indy's chances of avoiding injury are better here, since I doubt he'll find a plane to fly and crash.

Grunge Writes:

Indy has kicked the Nazi's asses on 3 occasions (twice in the movies, once in the indiana jones and the Fate of Atlantis P.C Game)

Its often thought that when Tolkien wrote Lord of the rings (During World War 2) he subsconciously based the Mordorians on the Nazi ergo Jones wins.

Nick The Critick Writes:

ok so in this blue corner we have what James Bond SHOULD HAVE BEEN, Indiana Jones....yeah sure he's cool and has a whip(ooo a DARING)..Indiana Jones is nothin but a horny like that's never been percieved before in movie history..SO CREATIVE..he may be trained with a whip and a gun but that won't defend him against dozens of steroid pumped elves curbstomping him into the ground....guns run out of bullets sooner or later and i don't quite remember a tunnel in Mt. Doom so Indiana and the fat kid are gonna have some problems trying to cooperate while having an eye on them the whole time...literally... but it would be rude to take sides, so in all fairness let's take a look at Mt . Doom...a place guarded by if we didnt have ENOUGH villains with goofy ass helmets now we can say Megatron, Galactus, AND Sauron....friggin superb..Sauron maybe be mini-galactus but he sure as hell isn't a smart guy....Sauron had absolutely NO GUARDS around his fortress...he sent 10 times more then he had to to rid himself of the it wouldn't be all that difficult for big black and goofy to miss harrison ford juming out of a sewer into a waterfall of lava, shortly followed by tomyy-lee jones....anyways, the main thing you have to remember about sauron's OH SO GREAT power is.....dude he could barely control the mind of a midget with hairy feet....and hobbits are ALOT weaker and smaller then humans so i'd say that Indy has a decent chance of resisting this if sauron took physical form, THAT would be different, cuz he would break Indy quicker then you can say Smeegul..but as for who wins this bout, i'm leaning more to Mt. Doom..i mean dude it's guarded with molten hot LA-VA(yeah i know austin powers is gone) and i doubt Sauron would be so stupid as to not be able to focus once he hears gunshots in his if that whip makes that KSH sound or Sauron hears a boom anywhere, don't think he's just gona pay no mind...what indy si gonna need is he's gonna need to plant dynamite as to make a distraction in a certain area, while he can sneak out of the bg guy's vision and drop that ring...but you still have to remember, both will die in the end....remember, once the ring dies Mt. Doom explodes and i don't think he can run or drive that fast when he has 40000000 degress of lava under his feet in the end, if Indy gets that far he may win the battle but EVERYONE has lost the war

El Kabong Writes:

Tough one here. This isn't some free for all battle royale, it's a matter of cunning and stealth and all that good stuff. Right off the bat, the odds are stacked against Indy. Mordor's difficult to access. It's a blasted wasteland with no food or water. There's thousands of orcs running around in it, and to top it all off you've got the Eye of Sauron watching the land most of the time. And there's also a really nasty x-factor to consider in this situation: the Ring itself. If Indy's gonna be toting this thing, he's going to have to resist it the entire time, and on top of that, knowing Indy, he'll doubt the little thing has any power at all. Of course, this is Indiana Jones we're talking about here. The guy's dealt with the Ark of the Covenant, the Holy Grail, all that good stuff. If any human can resist the evil of the One Ring, it's him.

But that still leaves the forces of Sauron to contend with. Indy is gonna want to avoid confrontation by any means necessary. He'll no doubt want to disguise himself as an orc (As long as the armor fits him!) and try to slip through unnoticed. Indy's pretty good at hand to hand if it comes to blows, and he has a gun. A pistol won't do much against an orc horde, though. So, Indy manages to sneak through the orc horde to get to Mount Doom. Mordor still has a line of defense that will be much more difficult for Indy to breach at this point: The Nazgul. Without an army at the Black Gate distracting them, one of them might very well spot him trying to sneak his way into Doom. And if Indy messes up and puts on the Ring,'s over for him in about five minutes. A whip and a pistol won't do much against nine undead monsters astride flying cretins.

It isn't outside of Indy's abilities to breach Doom, but once again he faces another obstacle in his journey. Choosing Gollum as his guide will only lead to treachery, as along the way the little booger will jump him to get the ring back. Indy ain't no shrimpy hobbit, though, and he can whoop Gollum pretty easily. The problem is what kind of attention they'll draw in the meantime.

So, Indy CAN win, if he is very, very careful. And as everyone knows, he can find a way to win even in the toughest of situations. I'm going with him, only out of consideration for Indy's improvational skills and the fact that most orcs are stupid.

praxisilver Writes:

HELL YEAH! Now THIS is a good battle!

Now, what is Indy and Short round going to encounter? Ring Wraiths (weak against fire), Orcs (please! Shorty can kick their butt. If Indy goes up against a bunch of them, he'll kill 5 at a time with his 6-shooter, like what he did with the Nazis on the tank in The Last Crusade), and Oliphants (if Indiana can hijack a truck full of Nazis, he can hijack an Oliphant). Then, to top it off, the great demigod Sauron is watching them. But Indiana is used to the supernatural. He's had cultists fall to their deaths because of the power of rocks blessed by Shiva, an entire ARMY of nazis getting fried by the Ark of the Covenent (though he didn't see them die, he figured it out), and saved his father with water from the Holy Grail while the bad guys turned into dust or fell into crevices.To make a long story short, let's ask this question:

Will Indiana Jones and Short Round prevail against Mordor?

In the words of 8-Bit Theater's Black Mage:

Short version: Yes.

Long version: Hell yes.

insaane1_can Writes:

well hate to say this but you already set up indy's demise right in the write up. Gollum as guide, this guys freaken nuts and will do everything to get the ring back and is easily strong enough to "accedently" push the kid off a mountain. then Indy will have to go through Mordor without his comedic relief which if the evil overlord list is to be believed without the charming comedy side kick the hero just can't win


Drunken Master Writes:

I have to give this one to Mordor. It took hobbits, a dwarf, an elf, and armies to destroy Mordor. Not to mention they all had swords and crap. Indiana has a pistol and a whip. After a while man, A few large elephants and a bunch of orks will tire out your gun, and bow and arrows quickly crush the whip. Indiana vs Gollum, different story

Dark Queen Writes:

I just love how this web page always bounces back like Jeff Foxworthy's career. (I've been around since issue 33, so I'm not going away either!)

Anyways, back to the fight. Indy has this in the bag. I'm not going to bore you all w/ details b/c Indy's exploits are legendary. Instead, lets get to why he will easily win against Mordor.

All right, so the land itself is covered by orc armies, heavily robed Ringwraiths, various other creepy crawlies, and is all watched by Sauron's Giant eye. Despite all this baddy goodness, the Dark Lord must come to realize that he has already lost to two hobbits!

Let's compare: YOu know that the only things that Samwise and Frodo were good at were reading and gardening. So basically, Mordor has already been beaten by tree-hugging bookworms. Now, yes, Indy is quite the bookworm since I am sure he has to read all these ancient texts to find the Glorious What-You-May-Call-It's or the Radiant Insert-Fancy-Name-Here, but we also know that his fancy whip skillz can knock off the barely-there pants that catwoman wears, so we know that he can do more than just look good in leather.

Next: Let's look at Mordor itself. Now, while this deeply depressing landscape looks mighty impressive and scary to a few peasants and stewards, you have to remember it's flaws. One of the reasons that two hobbits were able to cross it was because the orc army spent most of the time killing each other! For the few poor souls that don't kill each other and have their eyes set on Indy and Short Round.... aw heck, if you can dodge Nazi's in 1930's Germany, then you can certainly walk past anything.

The next set of baddies, Ringwraiths. Although I give them props for the scary dragon things and the freaky voices, they are going to be no help for Sauron here. Since the ringwraiths have poor eyesite, the only way they could find the ring-bearer was if he put the ring on. And since Indy will not be suffering from the mental strain of the ring, he will have no desire to put it on.

Sepaking of mental strain.... Temple of Doom anyone? I think Indiana has that part well covered. Personally, you should give him the mental strain that Frodo had to suffer to make it a challenge. Course, he is a man, and men dont' seem to take to the ring to well... but it's better than drinking LSD laced blood. *nods*

The only hindurance I can see is Gollum. Unlike the soft-hearted Frodo, INdy isn't going to put up with his shinanigans. Slap on that old elven rope and let the poor creature suffer. And if he isn't quiet, then the orcs an have em. Indy isn't above using threats.

As for Short Rounds usefullness... give him an elven cloak and make him the distraction for the eye to follow. And if he is caught... well, it's not like we will need him in Indy 4, right?

The Jester Writes:

Okay, now usually when I see a fight on here I am only partially familiar with the contestants. For example, I've never seen any Evil Dead or Jason movies, and I only have a passing aquaintance with the heroes of DC or Marvel, so the past few weeks I've been pretty unable to write in with any confidence that what I'm saying has any truth to it.

I am, first and foremost, a Tolkien geek. My father is an English professor who teaches the Hobbit yearly, I've read the trilogy yearly, and I've read and understood the Silmarillion (something I'm both proud and ashamed of). And let me assure you, there is no place I can imagine scarier than the Mordor of Tolkien's trilogy. Not the movies, where they left out some of the scarier shit to keep a PG-13 rating (the heads with eyelids ripped off from the siege of Gondor, for example). Mordor is Hell, and I don't know of a single fictional character with a chance of getting through that place whole.

Except Indiana Jones. We're talking about film's greatest action hero, a guy who has twice been able to use the power of GOD HIMSELF to level his enemies. As Dr. Jones, he has complete knowledge of the Celtic, Norse, and Germanic myths that Tolkien based his works on, as well as mastery of the archaic real-life languages that the languages of Middle-Earth are based on. As Indiana, he can take on insanely powerful magic wielders, guys who should be able to physically beat him to a pulp, and the most powerful evil in real-life history.

I keep picturing the Witch King unsheathing it's sword, crying out in an ear-piercing shreak to fill the heart with dread, and advancing in a blood curdling march to slay all in it's path.

And then I see Indy shooting him in the head.

Scooter-Pie Writes:

Ok, let's look at it from an assets/liabilities point of view.

Mordor: Ruled by a dark overlord with endless hordes of mindless minions and nine supernatural servants of great power.

Assets: Legions of minions. Orcs, trolls, wargs, Ring-wraiths on flying beasts, really harsh terrain...

Liabilities: Not a whole lot of creativity on Sauron's part. His servants are unambitious and stupid. Two hobbits (who are notorious noshers and smokers... the LOTR trilogy is characterized by them eating and smoking more than actual feats of derring-do) were able to brave the heart of Mordor and return to tell the tale of it.

Indiana Jones and Short Round: Famous Archaeologist and his comic-relief sidekick who is occasionally useful.

Assets: Indiana has an incredibly apt mind. A little research and he's ready for action. He has experience with all sorts of terrain, and he's used to walking into situations where unholy armies are amassing. Additionally, he's got experience with handling extremely powerful artifacts created by gods. Short Round is a plucky little sidekick who has come through in a clinch numerous times. Also, Indy has his gun and whip.

Liabilities: Indiana has a weakness when it comes to women and snakes. Also, as any comic-book fan will tell you, Sidekicks are a notorious liability when captured.

Analysis: Indiana can con, trick, barge, chase and eventually win his way through Mordor. And when he gets back, he'll probably snog with Galadriel, Arwen AND Eowyn.

Brian Writes:

Indy will win.

I think his resume speaks for itself: Extensive experience in recovering Biblical artifacts; previous battles with Nazis and several types of hostile natives; excellent with a whip.

He did recover the Ark, after all. Sure, it's not in his den, but at least Hitler didn't get a hold of it. And maybe the Grail isn't in his cupboard, but I didn't see anyone else smart enough to find it (and that includes John Cleese).

Froddo Writes:

Is that if Sam and I can make into Mordor right up to the fires of Mount Doom, then why wouldn't an adventure swavy swashbuckeling hero like indy be able to do it.

Maybe because Aragorn and Gandolf wont be around to back him up with an army of thousands to distract Sauran like they did for us.

Goliath Writes:

You're kidding me right? You want me to think that Mordor has even the slightest chance in stopping Dr. Jones? A man who has stopped infernal machines, outrun rolling boulders, tamed lions, defeated Nazi Germany, both the Vermacht and the Luftwaffe, plus the occasional SS Kommandant, dodged heart ripping psychos, and even found the Holy Grail is to be stopped by a rabble of mindless Orcs and not even a decent snake to throw at him? This fight's in the bag for the good Doctor. All it takes is a Webley .455 and a bullwhip. Not to mention a Fedora built like a chevy.

The Red Fear Writes:

Since everybody's Anti-Indy arguments are built on "He wont have an army to provide distraction" let's see if we can figure out any one of, oh, about five million ways Indy can distract Sauron.

TNT. Ah the wonders of modern technology. What, you think Indy's going on a journey like this with just the clothes on his back? Even if he doesn't bring any, he's a very intelligent man and can improvise all kinds of explosives. Even Gandalf, the supposedly great and powerful sorceror couldn't do anything more than make a big bright light with his magic, so when the big Boom-Boom starts going down, raw destructive power the likes of which Mordor has never seen before, Sauron's gonna be miiiiighty interested.

Tiiiiiiiiiiime, is on his side. Yes it is. He's spent so many years dodging horrendous traps, you think he can't put together his own set of Dominoe-effect-carnage with the materials to be found at hand? He'll set off a series of Wile E. Coyote style traps that cause more than enough ruckus amongst the orcish ranks to slip into the volcanoe and toss the ring, then be out and home for dinner while the Orcs and Sauron are still trying to figure out what triggered that avalanche.

And no, none of these things will be beneathe Sauron's notice. If an army of men a FRACTION of the size of Sauron's army wasn't beneathe his notice, these things will wow and amaze the great big eye in the sky. At least long enough for Indy to do what needs to be done.

And that's just off the top of my very sleepy(Just woke up and i'm mildly hung over) head. There's a couple billion more ways a resourceful, courageous, experienced, and brilliant adventurer like Dr. Jones can come up with to knock this one right out of the park.

...tim? Writes:

Indiana. Jones. Is. Awesome. Of course, Mordor is a big place, though. And its filled with alot of orcs. Not just a few orcs either, or even several dozen. Indy could take them no problem. But, see, there's literally tens of thousands of orcs if not more all across the landscape. Not to mention those Ringwraithes. And giant Ogres. And Shelob, assuming he takes the same path as Frodo and Sam. Not to mention Gollum himself.

The way I listed them the problems actually get easier, as they go, after the orcs. The Ringwraithes were taken apart by Strider in the first movie, using fire. Indy would stumble across this weakness, I'm sure. Indy could likely out-meneuver the Ogres, and disable them. I mean the guy took on a freakin' tank head on in the third movie, and won. Shelob got beaten by Sam, so Indy could fight this monster effectivly I believe. And Gollum? I think Short Round could kill that sneaky bastard. But then, there are the orcs. There's quite alot of them, you see, and I can't quite imagine even Indy being able to sneak past all of them, that requires a sort of stealth thats humanly impossible even for him. And he would stand even less of a chance fighting through them all.


Just becuase I find it inconcievable, doesn't mean Indiana Jones wouldn't find a way. Who knows, he could discover some sort of underground caverns that he could use to get to Mt. Doom. When it comes to Indiana Jones, I have to go with my gut here, and not my mind. Indy would succeed, just because hes required to by the unwritten laws of the movie underdog-impossible task relationship.

Justy Writes:

The way that I see it is that Indy takes this in his usual fashion. He has a romantic trist with an elven maiden. He kills a few orcs. He gets his ass handed to him by an Uruk Hai. Short Round puts on the Ring and goes Jet Li on Gollum. Shelob's understudy the Asgard Serpent makes an appearance to freak out Indy. Indy gets everybody to sign his dog earred first print copy of Bored of the Rings and lives happily ever after.




Callisto:    Well, it looks like most people think Indiana will have little trouble with this particular adventure, Clown Girl.

Harley Quinn:    Yep, sure does. Let's cue up Indy's trademark Theme Music as... LOOKOUT!

Callisto:    Ooopsy! There goes Gollum... plumeting right past us on the stairs as he drops far to the land of Minas Morgul below.

Harley Quinn:    Ha! Well, it didn't take long for Indiana to figure him out, for sure.

Callisto:    Ouchies. Well, looks like Gollum is out of the picture. Let's follow Indy and Short-Round now into the lair of the Giant Spider Shelob as they make their way through the high pass of Cirith Ungol.

Harley Quinn:    It takes highly trained broadcast specialists such as ourselves to say these Tolkien names so easily, folks. Don't try this at home.

Callisto:    Indy and Shorty have dissapeared into the Cave of Shelob...

Indiana Jones:    Shortie, look out!

Indy's Pistol:    BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

Short-Round:    Dr. Jones, did you get it?!

Indiana Jones:    Yeah, hope there aren't any more. Lets get out of here.

Harley Quinn:    Wow, well so far Indy is doing just great!

Callisto:    The giant spider Shelob is out of the way, now, as Indiana continues towards Mt. Doom.




'Nuff Said!


Indiana Jones: 420

Mordor: 136




Harley Quinn:    Well, I think we all know how this ends.

Callisto:    Yep. Put on that Indiana Jones theme song and roll credits. If Mordor couldn't stop a pair of midgets, why did we ever think it could stop Indiana Jones.

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Captain America vs. Batman
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"Callisto" is the property of Renaissance Pictures, MCA TV.

"Harley Quinn" is the property of DC comics.

Dr. Doom (TM) is the property (c) of ... Marvel Comics

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