The CBUB Character Database


Defiant vs. White Star


Boba Fett vs. Batman

ISSUE #144

Kerrigan vs. Diablo


Bugs Bunny vs. Mickey Mouse

ISSUE #107

Tom and Sylvester vs. Jerry and Tweety

ISSUE #149

Dr. Doom vs. Magneto

ISSUE #109

Black Canary and Huntress vs. Black Widow and Silver Sable


Justice League vs. X-Men


Blade vs. Buffy vs. Vampire Hunter D


Keebler Elves vs. Krispy Elves


Catwoman vs. Bat Girl

ISSUE #150

Matrix vs. Crouching Tiger

ISSUE #160

Wonder Woman vs. Thor


Taco Bell Chihuahua vs. Ren Hoek

ISSUE #141

Braveheart vs. Maximus


Mario vs. Sonic

ISSUE #132

The Punisher vs. France

ISSUE #168

Shazam vs. Black Bolt


Men in Black vs. Marvin the Martian


Mach 5 vs. Batmobile


Robotech Defense Force vs. The Decepticons


Sailor Moon vs. Ranma 1/2


Galactus vs. Unicron

ISSUE #152

Yogi & Boo-Boo vs. Chip 'n' Dale


Cheetarah vs. Harley Quinn

ISSUE #170

Jason Voorhees vs. Ash Williams

ISSUE #142

Spiderman vs. Wolverine


Scooby Doo Gang vs. Hellraiser


Ken & Ryu vs. Scorpion & Sub-Zero

ISSUE #169

Galactus vs. Galactus' Weight in Krypto the Super Dogs

ISSUE #115

Robin v. Robin v. Robin v. Robin


Gambit vs. Catwoman vs. Black Cat


The Borg vs. Aliens


Jawas vs. Ewoks

ISSUE #127

Martial Mayhem - Round One!


Leisure Suit Larry vs. Austin Powers


Voltron vs. Power Ranger's Zord

ISSUE #106

Nightwing vs. Daredevil


Chun-Li vs. Orchid vs. Sonya Blade


Shaggy vs. Dagwood vs. Jughead

[email protected]$$    MUTHERF%#!ERS

John McClane
Martin Riggs
Snake Plisskin


Simple question this week. Given the exact same starting armaments, same ammo and a half a mile of urban turf to play on, who would come out still standing?

This fight was suggested by Pete, Time-Lost Girl, Crimson and Just976 and his friend Apocalypse Cow.


PAT:   Jesus Christ!!! It took out the whole block!!

JAY:   And there goes McClane... propelled skyward by the blast! WOW! Good Hang time!!

PAT:   McClane won't survive this one... That's a 10 story drop ... wait... wait... Jay.....

JAY:   McClane catches a flag pole... but it breaks... NO! He snags a window ledge but the brick gives away... No! He grabs a telephone wire but it snaps! Whew! At least that pillow truck broke his fall Pat.

PAT:   Unbelievable. Folks, for those of you just tuning in we are LIVE and in the midst of this high-octane conflict between John McClane, Martin Riggs & Snake Plisskin. Hello and Welcome, I'm Pat Summers.

JAY:   And I'm Jay Peoples. We have an amazing match of destruction being played out in a closed down section of Khazan's industrial sector. If they keep this up this town will look like something that Snake Plisskin would try to escape from.

PAT:   Well, Jay, nobody will be escaping this one until two men are down. It's a tough match and these are tough hombres. Who is gonna be the last man standing today is hard to forecast. However, the folks at home have some opinions, so let's share them...


Favorite letter of the Week

ticktockman writes:

Voting against any of these guys is almost sacrilegious, as any could be a champion against just about anyone else, even the Death Star, but I'm going to have to go with Snake on this one.

When it comes right down to it, this isn't a contest of strength or intelligence or skills, as all three are pretty equally matched in all of those areas. What this match comes down to is, quite simply, cool, and when it comes to cool, Snake has it hands down.

First, Snake has the coolest name. Lets be real, even a nerd like me could be cool if everyone called me snake. Second, there's the eye patch. Anyone who can kill, maim, murder and "be like Mike" on the b-ball court without any depth perception is a stud in any book. Third, the leather jacket - 'nuff said. Fourth, in other lives, if you're into that thing, Snake was also Captain Ron and Jack "Big Trouble in Little China" Burton. Snake IS cool. Period.

As soon as they walk into the room McClane and Riggs will be like Richie and Ralph to Snake's Fonz. Plisskin in 30 seconds without ever having to put down his smoke.

WhereWolf writes:

Oh, man... This one's bound ta' be close!

All are good fighters, but Snake's gonna' take this one. He's taken on New York City, AND Los Angeles... not jus' one building at a time, like John McClane... or jus' all the drug dealers of LA, as Riggs does.... BOTH CITIES, BABE!

Plisskin's also outwitted 2 Presidents, and shut-down the Planet Earth! The guy jus' takes no crap! McClane's 1-liners won't save him from the cold dark Snake, and Riggs has that bad dislocating shoulder. They are also Cops... they have that nasty Law thing gettin' in the way all the time... Snake's a drifter... kinda' like a futuristic Clint Eastwood. He's also driven the USS Saratoga, and fought the Pirates of the Caribbean! Bet them 2 Shamus's never did THAT before.

No, wait... that was Russell's other patch-wearin', one-eyed character....

Trantor writes:

Now let's see what we got here:

  1. A guy whose only real claim to fame is that his wife keeps getting kidnapped by terrorists, and likes to jump around using fire hoses as bungy cords.
  2. A formerly psycho Vietnam Vet now gone nicey wicey funny man cop with an annoying Italian albatross in the form of Joe Pesci.
  3. A guy who can make it out of both LA and NY after they have become penal colonies and who had the balls to destroy all technology on earth, just to prove some egocentric phony moralists where to shove it.
Hate to break it to everyone, but Snake is taken this one by storm! Let's face it, he's got the guns and the skills and even in hand to hand combat, he could wipe those sissies off the map (although a bout between Snake and Leon Getz would be kickass) The only competition for Snake would be Ash, and then it might just turn out a draw!

Jeff"T-REX"Hayes writes:

It will go like this: Martin, John and Snake will start to fight. Then Riggs and McClane will decide to join forces and whip the stuffing out of Plisskin. Roger Murtaugh then shows up, breaks up the fight and invite them over for Trish's crunky cooking. After that, Leo Goetz will stand around saying "ok ok ok ok" annoying all four of them whereby humorously they brow beat Leo. Nuff said

Justicar writes:

In this battle of the *BAMF*s...I disagree with both Pat and Jay. In both commentaries the background of Snake Plisskin was glossed over. Allow me to enlighten you a bit.

Mr. Plisskin was a Special Ops commando. He was deployed against the Soviets successfully on several occasions. He was a highly decorated soldier until his falling out with the government. Down the road a bit he changed careers and became a notorious criminal. The gang he was in was quite formidable. It was only by the betrayal of an associate that got him caught. Mind you that robbery wasn't just a Mom and Pop bank, it was a Federal Reserve Bank. Later, he was employed to save the President from the NYC Penal Facility. He was up against social deviants of all kinds and he kicked ass. The dude got shot in the leg with crossbow bolt and still killed that big dude in the gladiator ring.

Snake Plisskin is THE *BAMF*. He's a highly trained soldier, has balls of steel, trusts no one, but most importantly he has AN EYEPATCH. Nick Fury has an eyepatch as do General Chang and Number 2, all cool characters.

Now lets talk of the others. Martin Riggs is my runner up. Granted, he doesn't wear an eyepatch, but he is played by The Road Warrior himself Mel Gibson. Officer Riggs is psycho and macho, but he lacks the discipline and experience of Plisskin. Plus, he doesn't have straightman Danny Glover at his side to watch his back. To quote Emperor Palpatine, "[His] lack of forethought will be his undoing".

Lastly, Officer McClane. Mac may be resilient and good at keeping out of sight, but that's not going to work here. He's not trapped in anything here and he's not fighting a few rent-a-thugs. Its a three on three battle. If he stays hidden in a building too long, the other two will just blow it up. Better luck next time Bruce.

I see lots of gunfire, explosions and dead stunt doubles... I can't wait the week!!!

The Match Maker writes:

This was a real tough one. I was tempted to go with John McClane, But this is an urban setting, not a building or an airport. Snake Plisskin is the master of the urban setting. He escaped from Cleveland, New York, and L.A. (And NO ONE escapes from Cleveland. Not even today.) While in an urban setting I think all three would survive, Snake would thrive. That and he looks cool in an eye patch.

DangerMouse55 writes:

well, in my opinion, Snake Plisskin will win, almost no contest. Riggs and McClane will put up a great fight, i'll give them that, but they get beat up too easily.. when it comes down to it, they are just lucky. Murtaugh and Riggs are a team...without the other, they are not as tough. McClane can take a serious beating, and come out fighting...But, Snake is quick, smart, and just does not take any crap from anybody, including the system which recruits him for his missions. Plisskin would out smart both of them.

Yugadesrial writes:

Sweet Christmas!!! This has got to be the closest battle y'all have ever posted! In the end it comes down to who is the sheer craziest [email protected]$$ of the group.

If I crossed John McClane, he would probably be too tired and beat-up to bother with me and would probably have a lot more terrorists to deal with, anyway.

If I crossed Snake, he would probably just brush me aside and would give me 10 seconds to get out of his sight so he could forget the whole thing instead of blowing me away.

Finally, if I crossed Martin Riggs, he would probably gun me down and empty four more clips into my mangled corpse. Or if he had not guns, he would just snap my neck in one quick motion and then borrow Murtaugh's gun so he could empty his clip into my corpse. I gotta give it to Riggs.

Skeearmon writes:

Hmmmmm...I hate to act like this, but I don't give a crap about any of these guys. Plisskin's laughable. The bald dude's bald. And then there's this Riggs who... hmmm, that's odd. If you give Riggs some shorter, darker hair, and put the guy in leather... he looks a lot like Mad Max! Maybe this "Riggs" is who Max was before we all decided to drop the big bombs. Now the dude's traveling down the Great American Desert lookin' for water and loaded to bear. Now to mention kicking the crap out of irradiated guys in Hockey Masks who talk like their speaking through a blender set to puree just to survive. I think that's it! Riggs is my man! So, come on, peoples! Let's get WWIII a goin'...the dude's got a date with destiny!

Dougan writes:

Let's look at this fight another way: accuracy. For whatever reason, the two cops tend to waste a lot of ammo trying to injure or incapacitate. Plisskin is used to killing whoever he has to, to get the job done. He doesn't miss. And with the situation that's being set up for this fight, well gee, sounds like "Escape from Khazan" to me...

The Brain writes:

Riggs did a pretty good job taking out Jet Li in Lethal Weapon 4. Look at him! He's old, decrepit, and still is able to take out any young punk what gets in his way! All right, he may have had some help from his partner, whatsisname, but Riggs is da man.

LordFish writes:

Well, I was pretty depressed when you didn't post my massive commentary for the last fight...but this is just the right kind of match to cheer me up.

Anyways I'm of the opinion that there ain't no motha (with the possible exceptions of Shaft and Mr.T) who is badder than Snake Plisskin. And besides, he was played by my all-time favorite action star of "Big Trouble in Little China" fame, Kurt Russel.

Snake'll smoke em' like a Black n' Mild

Editors Note: Sorry 'Fish, but comments that come in the day we're trying to get the new fight posted and the results page built generally get ignored.

RobF writes:

Not to go off on a rant here, but just I feel sorry for Riggs. I mean, 5 or 10 years ago, he would've been a contender, but now he is just too old for it. He's settled down, lost his edge, and now is probably on Prozac.

As for McLane, he is one tough customer. He beat the F'in Death Star! But, of course, Darth was dead and the Emperor was AWOL, so it really wan't much of a contest. Plus Bruce Willis isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. I mean, he cheated on DEMI MOORE!!!! That alone proves that he isn't quite right, but he did it WITH A MOBSTER'S GIRLFRIEND! Plisskin has the skill, the brains, the eyepatch (I've always wanted one of those. I just think they look cool.), plus he beat Ash from the Evil Dead series in Escape From LA (the Surgeon General). He is a one-man army, capable of mass destruction the likes of which would make Godzilla wet his pants (if he wore them). Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

Murtaugh writes:

Riggs is the man! He's psycho cop, a loose cannon, he beat Jet Li! The man eats dog biscuits. He's a former assassin. What more do you need? In my book, Riggs has got it!

Mr. Seldon writes:

Oh, Wow!!! This is extremely difficult to judge! But, lets look at the facts....

Pros: 1) Beretta 9mm. 2) Can take an aspirin and go for days!!! Cons: 1) He has to reload his gun. 2) The aspirin doesn't help the headache. Riggs:
Pros: 1) The crazy factor is a definite plus. 2) His girl always takes the bullets meant for him!!!! 3) He NEVER has to reload. 4) Special Forces kick a$$ Cons: 1) His partner stinks. 2) He smokes (down goes the endurance factor) Plisskin:
Pros: 1) Everything he does is cool, everything. 2) He saved the president from tougher places than the other two. 3) Special Forces kick a$$! Cons: 1) He can't seem to keep his gun. 2) Those freaks he hangs with. 3) All it came down to in Escape from New York is that he had to beat "Chef" from South Park (Issac Hays plays the Duke of New York in the movie).

But in conclusion, my heart says John McClane (After Moonlighting, give the guy a break, and losing Demi Moore, *drool*)

Lurch writes:

Even though McClane only starts with a pistol, he has little trouble getting more toys. He's saved the world's economy and managed to get a fourth movie! No disrespect to Riggs, but he has too big an entourage. Yippie Kie Yay!

Sailor Xena writes:

What the f#ck is this? Some kind of f#ucking swearing contest? New matter John McClainn will out shoot, out one liner, even out swear the other two. Ol' Mr. Die-Hard has more bad @$$ attitude then the other two combined.

Sure Riggs is a trained military assassin; but I'm beginning to see him lose his psychotic nature with each passing sequel. And he doesn't swear as much as McClainn either

Snake will be the one to my man a challenge. He's got attitude, he's got the guns, and he even has cool one liners. But he still doesn't have what it takes to defeat McClainn.

It'll be John McClainn all the way so yippie-tie-tie-yippie-kie-tie-yea mother f#ckers!(I'll go wash my mouth out right now)

Robotech Master writes:

I'll have to go with John McClane. The others will put up a good fight, but the Die hard guy has all the training and weapon skill to blow the competition away. Even when he was being shot at from a helicopter(above and directly in front of him with no cover), and he still blew them up. Riggs is pretty good, but a little crazy and will probably make a hasty move. Snake is a little too overconfident and is used to more high tech weapons. Since you said the weapons and ammo are equal in this battle, McClane will most likely beat him too.

BL00D ANGEL writes:

This fight is gonna be over with John McClane standing over the other 2 losers! McClane has fought a group of terrorists and some crazy wackos. He can take one hell of a beating and still live through it. He can be shot at, kicked and punched at and still live through all that crap. He's got stamina and is clever and that will keep him alive. Now, about that old lop, Mel Gibson, too old for his job, has no one to back him up except An even older Danny Glover! Though, he can also withstand some crap, he will not outlast McClane! And for Plisskin, what a lame ass Movie. Ooh Escape from L.A.. what excitement. What a Crap. He won't last that long against McClane.

Batya writes:

Why Riggs, of the three? In his current, "happy" incarnation, he's arguably the weakest of the crowd, if not by much. Well, he's got one thing the other two don't have: support staff. Even giving John Sam Jackson as backup, that leaves Riggs with Murtaugh, Rene Russo, and Chris Rock. Oh yeah, and the dog. 'Course, keep the partners out of it, and IMO it's John by a nose, in a really tattered t-shirt.

Lumpenprole writes:

If the emphasis is on overall survival, then clearly McClane is the DIEHARD of the three. Not since the Man With No Name has there been a tough guy better at crawling on his belly, leaving a trail of blood behind him, and still enacting terrible vengeance on the bad guys.

[email protected] writes:

Snake in a cake walk. McClane and Riggs are both cops with morals. Plisskin is a murderous criminal who couldn't care less who lives or dies when his life is on the line.

Also, wives and kids can slow a man down and now that Riggs and McClane are so worried about their SO's Plisskin can just pick them off at his leisure while they phone home to see what is needed from the market and what hoops the little women want them to jump through.

Besides, doesn't Kurt Russell also have access to "Flubber" from his Disney days? Isn't he married to Private Benjamin? Has he ever lost a battle or a war? Sorry Bruce, Demi Moore (aka G.I. Jane and the "million dollar piece of ass") won't be around to help. Riggs' partner is Danny Glover and I don't see him as much help unless he borrows Samuel Jackson (Zeus) from "Die Hard 3" fame from the Willis camp.

Thrawn writes:

This battle will be close, but I think that McClane will eventually beat them both. Plisskin is just a punk, but an exceptionally good punk. Riggs has the crazy edge and the assassin training, but I think he's a bit loony for his own good. The Die Hard man has escaped death many times and will pull off all the stunts and suicide runs to take the other two down in a swift strafe.

Pete writes:

Hey, thanks for taking the suggestion! So how does this one size up?

Riggs--Out of the action early. If the Lethal Weapon series had ended after the first one, he'd have more of a chance, but since then, he's been watered down.

Snake--Bad, sure. But not quite the baddest of the bad. He got out of a lot of those scrapes with some serious help, from Brain, from Adrienne Barbeau, whatever.

McClane: The baddest mofo on God's good earth. Seldom needs help (Die Hard With A Vengeance not withstanding). Will do absolutely anything to win a fight. More important, he's usually fighting for something... more often than not, his wife. If she's tied up ringside, he'd beat his way through the entire arena to get her out. Yippie-kai-yay.

Whitetrench writes:

Ok, Plisskin is gonna win. That's just it. 1) Riggs is just way too goody goody now. He was a bad ass in the first show but he just keeps getting wussier and wussier. 2) McClane is tough and he's definitely not a goody goody but he doesn't have the weapons know how. 3) Plisskin has been shot, drugged, kicked, beat, slashed, bashed bruised, battered, and all around hammered, and he comes out on top and just all around looks tougher than both those other two. It'll be a decent fight but Snake is gonna win, fangs down.

The Immortal Kahless writes:

Ah-Ha! A great battle! I will most certainly enjoy this (being the bloodthirsty Klingon that I am). All are tough contenders and the battle will be most glorious! I however, feel the fact that Plisskin can only be hit in the leg will help him to defeat his opponents. Anyway, I liked Escape from LA more than the other movies mentioned here.


Stan the Wonder Poodle writes:

Well, not a lot to think about in this battle,

Plisskin: Hard to catch? On a half-mile of 'burb? I don't think so. Riggs: Part of a buddy cop team. Eg. Needs a partner to get the job done. McClane: Perfectly capable of taking on hordes of terrorists or what have you all by himself

Plisskin has nowhere to "escape" to, and no-one will be laughing at Riggs' one-liners

faust writes:

Iím with snake on this one for the following reasons: 1) He has more military experience than Riggs, and McClane has none (however he improvises well.) 2) He uses the elements (buildings, sewers, etc) to his advantage through his stealth and concealment skills. 3) He is better with weapons. How many shots do McClane and Riggs use to take down a bad guy??? Snake used 3 rounds to take out 3 guys in escape from LA. 4) If it comes down to a martial arts scrap, Riggs may have the upper hand for a while. Although Snake hasn't exhibited a great deal of hand to hand stuff, Special forces members would be required to have a great deal more martial arts training then a CIA agent or a cop (Riggs is one in the same). 5) Finally snake saved the (2) presidents and all by his lonesome brought the world to its knees with one press of a button. He is cooler than his foes (love the eye patch) and has better one liners and he surfs (did a pretty good job for a first timer). The finally count will have snake barely beating Riggs and McClane eating donuts at the local hospital.

Charles Martin writes:

Oh, I'll give Riggs the tip for bat-shit-zany wu-tang Kung-fu crazy, And I'll admit the Plisskin has some of the coolest lines ever... But when it comes to sheer destruction of terrorist evil and wanton property damage, no one beats John McClane.

The man is a hazard to every city he visits, truly. (Especially on holidays) He slices, dices, atomizes the toughest terrorist scum and their family relations. Truly, a high-explosive dynamo of destructive law enforcement.

The Tucso writes:

Plisskin...WHO IS THIS GUY.... He looks like a reject for a mutant already Plisskin's Toast by the other two. Riggs may have 'The Deathwish motive' as I call it, but he has his craziness to boot (Hey it takes one to know one!)

My Money's on McClane... A Scotsman who can take a licking a keep on ticking.... I mean I'm Scotch by descent and a lot of us came out whacking our adversaries with whatever we could get our hands on! I mean He's blown up planes, taken out whole buildings, and yes, sunk one ship...He's been fried, cut, and just plain shot at... He had to jump off buildings, eject out of aircraft, and jump off bridges...... Better make sure McClane doesn't get you in your sights cause as in his immortal words.... Yippe Ki yea Mutha...F***er! and BLAM! you're history!

Stepladder writes:

It's obvious that Snake Plisskin will be the victor. He's had the full military training to be an assassin, and has served in (I believe) three wars. Not that I feel that this discounts Riggs in any way, I think Riggs is a Bad Mofo but Snake is badder. Snake doesn't bother with witty charm, he's too busy kickin' buttocks. As for John McClane, he's tough, yeah, and he has a talent for making it out of dangerous buildings. However, Snake has a talent for making it out of dangerous CITIES.

Major Snip... huge letter

Snake Plisskin has an advantage and a disadvantage. The disadvantage is that he's only been in 2 movies. The advantage is that in those 2 movies he's had cooler and tougher enemies than all the D.H. and L.W. put together. George Corraface as the mean Mexican villain (I can't remember his name). This guy was a mean dude. He seduced the President's daughter and had a device that could shut down the WORLD'S electricity. Then there's "The Man" Bruce "Evil Dead" Campbell as the Surgeon General of Beverly Hills. This was a messed up lookin dude but cool as all get out. Saving the best for last, in Escape From N.Y. Snake had to fight against Isaac Hayes. You know, the voice of South Park's Chef, the guy who wrote the Shaft theme song. I'm sorry but it is my opinion that villains can get no cooler than this man. Who doesn't like Chef? And as a villain you just appreciate his work even more. I think Isaac Hayes wins the Best of the villains. As I said before, Snake Plisskin hands down. I've presented you with my opinion and the facts, now it's up to you to decide. If you're gonna choose, choose the man who you feel would really win and not the guy you've seen in more movies. Sorry this was soo long but it was the quickest way I could present the facts. Choose wisely and good luck.

The Cat writes:

I would like to say one thing; I am a girl and I am attracted to none of these "tough guys". In fact, I could beat them all. So all you dateless guys out there be sure to get a haircut and a bath or the girls will spank you like a four-year-old in K-Mart, and I don't mean that in a good way.

If I write spanked like a 4 year-old in K-Mart do I get printed automatically?

Editors Note: I think the Four-Year Old at K-Mart thing has about run it's course. Somebody please impress us all with a new euphemism.


JAY:   It looks like everyone is equally divided among our three contestants today, Pat. I lost Riggs some time ago amongst all the smoke and confusion. Look! Snake is closing on McClane, trying finish him.

PAT:   Plisskin is a dead shot.... this could be bad for McClane. Plisskin, riding fast astride a borrowed Harley soft tail, pulls out his 9mm. Wait! There's Riggs... He ....

JAY:   WHAT A NUT!! Riggs, one end of a rope in his hand, jumps out in front of Snake's bike at the last second... and clothes lines him right off it!!!

PAT:   Snake takes a nasty tumble... rolls... comes up standing with his pistol... No! Riggs is on him.... Riggs expertly kicks the firearm out of Plisskin's hand.

JAY:   Snake throws a left.. catches Riggs just on the chin... but Riggs shakes it off... Riggs hits Snake low with a football tackle...

PAT:   Riggs takes Snake down to the asphalt again! Plisskin is eating a lot of it today, huh Jay? There's Riggs with a solid blow to Plisskinís mid-section for dessert. Oohh-ee!

JAY:   Snake, however, is not going to take this punishment unanswered. With skill and strength He rolls the L.A. cop over and takes the dominant position! Body blow! Kidney shot! Major slam!

PAT:   No, they roll again! Now Riggs is on top... Whoa!! Riggs humiliates Plisskin with multiple bitch-slaps in the face..

Riggs:   Hey Moe, Hey Moe!

JAY:   No! It looks like Snake has seen the Stooges too.... he puts a painful nose hold on Riggs!

Plisskin:   Wise guy eh?

Riggs:   Ahhhh-ooouch!!!

PAT:   Riggs lashes out, tearing off Snake's eypatch...!

JAY:   ...Revealing... hey, there's nothing wrong with that eye! Snake's got a perfectly good eye under that patch!

Riggs:   I Knew It!!!

Plisskin:   Chicks dig the patch.

PAT:   Both move simultaneously to draw weapons... Riggs, on top of Plisskin, whips out a pistol. Snake pulls a knife.... Wait, Jay, what's that sound...

JAY:   That sound will be a charging pillow truck being driven by John McClane. Both Riggs and Snake are suddenly staring stupidly at the oncoming truck ... giving it the ol' deer-in-the-headlights...

PAT:   ...and now they're in motion! Rolling... scooting in opposite directions! The deadly pillow truck is bearing down fast!! Can they make it?

McClane:   Yippie Kai Ay Motherf*&%$#s!!!!!!!

JAY:   Riggs is running, but his arm whips out. The pistol still clutched in his fist spits bullets into the truck's forward left tire... He takes it out! McClane is struggling with the steering wheel.

McClane:   Oh shhhhiiiiiii.....

PAT:   The truck cuts left suddenly... barely missing Snake... who sees Riggs... God! Reflexes like a cat, Snake whips his big ass knife through the air at Riggs...

JAY:   Riggs looks away from the truck and spots Snake as the blade leaves his hand...

PAT:   Riggs... pure adrenaline and instinct... leaps to the side... Wrong Way!! The truck is gonna jack-knife into him...

JAY:   The truck's ass-end flips into Riggs as he tries get out of the way... Snakes watches the events unfolding with grim amusement.

PAT:   The truck slides with a hideous screech across the pavement... front end slamming into a parked car as the back end whips around and brings down a power line. Snake is suddenly sprinting for his life....

JAY:   John McClane pops open the passenger side door... he sees the menacing power line... and then the leaking gas tank! He picks up the pace a little.

PAT:   Too late!! The parked car and the truck blow! McClane is.... hey, McClane is in the air again.

JAY:   WHOA! Good hang time! Hey Pat, Riggs is airborne and going the distance too!

PAT:   McClane blasts through the air, into ... and right into the back of the running Snake Plisskin! Both go tumbling head over heels into an alley.

JAY:   Riggs has been blasted onto a nearby roof. He's a rag-doll, Pat. Totally unconscious. One man down.

PAT:   McClane is on his feet... Plisskin is on his feet...

JAY:   These two look like they have been through hell. McClane and Plisskin are both singed and bleeding from multiple wounds....

PAT:   They're sizing each other up... crouched in fighters poses ... waiting to see who will make the first move...

JAY:   you can almost cut the tension.. hey!

PAT:   They're straightening up and relaxing...

McClane and Plisskin:   Screw This.

JAY:   They're starting to laugh out loud!


'Nuff Said!


McClane: 256

Plisskin: 256

Riggs: 182


PAT:   This is a wrap for this week. The two are walking off to go find Riggs. This has been Pat Summers.

JAY:   And Jay Peoples. Goodnight all.

Pictures for this weeks big fight came from:

Die Hard Movie Sounds.

Lethal Weapon (official).

Escape from L.A. Links.


Lethal Weapon (TM) is the property (c) of (?)

Die Hard (TM) is the property (c) of (?)

Escape from L.A. (TM) is the property (c) of (?)

This webpage makes no claims and attempts no infringement... this is just for fun.

CBUB: The Comic Book Universe Battles